Apparently, I was insane for thinking I could get photos taken and posted the day of or day after returning home from the hospital. Recovering from childbirth and launching into nursing at 35 is Definitely different/more difficult than it was at 28 And I really did forget how these first few months? go. I can get about one thing accomplished a day, maybe two. And thing includes shower, nap, laundry, any cooking... To clarify, I'm not complaining, just singing an ode to the powers of selective memory and the aging process.
This Willa-ren is a sweetheart though. WIth Auden & Matti (I think because I always thought we'd have more babies), I wasn't the kind of mom who just wanted to watch them sleep. She's likely our last and so I find myself doing just that. I'm a little nervous about going back to work so soon- ok, a lot. Not just because of sleep deprivation and the still-undetermined childcare situation, but because I'm afraid I won't be soaking in enough of her while she's this little. And I'm crying. I'm going to pretend it's the hormones and not actual sadness. It doesn't even bother me a Whole lot that this place is a mess and laundry needs to be done and I'm not getting much accomplished each day. I just want to hold her.
I do worry that the boys are being ignored a little at her expense. I've decided (and we'll see if this lasts knowing my personality) that I'm giving up any hobbies/non-essential housework for a good while to focus on being the best mom I can to all three. I think I've been too intent on accomplishing things (whether that's a clean house, a knit blanket, working, or whatever) before I let myself take the time to enjoy my family like I should. So that's my new year's resolution: more family, more mess.
Lastly, I really want to thank my Dad and Mom for driving all the way here to help us with these first few days. Chris left Sunday morning (for at least two weeks) and I don't know how I'd make it without the extra help. I love you both, sara